The Walls

I've never been so down
and out I couldn't put a roof over my head
I've passed out a few times on the way home from sleazebag bars
Woke up a few times in bed or on the floor covered in mud
maybe half-undressed
not so much asleep as still passed out
in a coma
wondering at the kindness of whatever strangers had brought me home
Never did find out who they were
or why they took pity
Why they helped me out and why they never took a thing though they could have
that is if I had anything worth taking but a couple of books and an album or two
which was about the extent of my possessions
I could have frozen to death more than a few times
Most of my worst drunks came in the dead of the worst Goddamned winters known to man
So when that counselor lady asked me if I ever did binge drinking
I had to pause and think
And she added in my mid-pause, "You know, when you don't know where you were                                      
      for like days and nights at one time?"
And I thought to myself, 'Well, those way passed out deals were like in college
Everyone knows that what happened in college stays in college
Like Vegas, you know what I mean?'
I'm so way beyond college now
what happened then like doesn't even count
Not really
So instead I say, 'Depends upon what you mean by binge drinking'
I'm thinking, 'Long term, daily maintenance, buzz control, drinking morning, noon and
night isn't binge drinking when it's like part of a routine
A schedule, right?'
She's thinking what she thinks, what's written in that stupid book she's been studying
So I have her define her terms precisely
and I can see we can come to an understanding that my drinking every day from like
1976 to 1989 wasn't out of control, I mean I knew where I was, who I was and
what I was doing all that time; a real long term relationship
was no aberration, no black out, no fugue state
which by definition meant it wasn't binge drinking
No Sir, just plain old
Her definitions
not mine